¹³ “Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. ¹⁴ For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it. – Jesus (Matthew 7:13-14) 

 

If you click on this article and read Matthew 7:13-14 above, your first thought is probably that this is not about marriage.  These are not verses that you will find in any book on Christian marriage, at least not in the large stack that I have read.  In careful consideration, I had even stronger conviction to use these as our anchor.  The Narrow Way is Christ and whole hearted trust and belief in Jesus.  In the same passage, Jesus speaks of false prophets (7:15-20), then he addresses false believers (7:21-23).  Not everyone who says ‘Lord, Lord’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven, but only those who do the will of My Father.  In verse 22, we see the problem clearly among those whom Christ casts out, as they were relying on their own efforts to get to heaven, they didn’t really trust Christ.  After giving Christ their ministry resume, they are told to depart to hell.  So what is the will of the Father?  Well, Jesus tells us in John 6:40, “For this is the will of My Father, that all who behold the Son and believe in Him will have eternal life.”  After Jesus teaches on His incarnation and the way of salvation, the scriptures states that as a result of His teaching, many disciples ceased walking and no longer followed Him (John 6:66).  So, this is our starting place because marriage is a place where our focus can easily be taken off of God onto our spouse, our kids, our careers, our homes, our way of life, and many other blessings that can become idols.

When I wrote the God Honoring Marriage, part 1, the focus was on our Vertical relationship with God in personal and corporate worship.  The reason that I started there was for the simple reason that we must be right with God before we enter into a life long commitment in which that other person will need us to be strong in our relationship with God.  In addition, I also wanted to emphasize the importance of distinguishing someone in communion with God and someone who merely goes to church.  To me, this is significantly important because marriage can be and will be an all consuming part of life, so we need our priorities  properly ordered.  What I mean by that is marriage can be an idol, in which a new identity of being a spouse can overshadow our foundational identity in Christ.  Marriage will change you, but done with God, it is designed to make you more like Christ.

So, with that as our intro, this portion of the God honoring marriage is less focused on the Vertical and aimed at our horizontal relationship.  That is to say that when we look at our spouse or our spouse to be, we need to be mindful that discipleship continues in marriage, and in fact there are things in our hearts that will only be exposed in the marriage relationship.

The Truth Behind the Vows

It is well known within Christian circles that we need to have Christ-centered marriages, but this really requires two people who are walking with God and bring the fruit of their communion with God into the relationship.  The importance of this truth is the fact that we take vows.  The unspoken, underlying assumption of vows is that each spouse will strive to have the resolve to uphold the marriage covenant when feelings change.  No one likes to speak of this truth for fear that it would make the current state of love less genuine, but the truth is that a successful marriage may start with an emotional explosion, but the sustainability always rests in the decision to honor God daily within the covenant taken with your wife.  This is one reason that arranged marriages have a low divorce rate.  Though I would not want to reduce marriage to being merely a transaction, which often lacks the soul ties that make one flesh, I would point out the daily choosing as a process for success.  In Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis identifies this important purpose of vows, largely because the emotional state at the outset of a relationship is unsustainable.  He also notes that vows are taken at an altar, the symbol of sacrificial death.  We come to altar as a place to sacrifice our selfish desires for the sake of our new spouse, vowing to put her needs and desires above our own.  In this declaration, we commit to God to stay the course for all the remaining days in faithful devotion to God and wife.  In essence, I will love her as an act of devotion to God and I will honor God by honoring her and love Him by loving her.  This is the foundation of a covenant marriage.  In the Bible, all covenants are initiated by God, so in a covenant marriage, we are entering into a union that God created in Genesis 2:24.  Jesus explained that a Biblical covenant marriage is designed by God to be for life (Matthew 19:4-8).  Central to the covenant is our unchanging God, who is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8).  This is important because people are always changing.  We are designed to change, to grow physically, spiritually, and mentally, and hopefully in marriage, we are doing some of this together.  Ideally, we grow in stature, we grow in godliness and we grow in wisdom.  These two dynamics are important to understand because we need to be firmly rooted in Christ who does not change.  So, when we take vows before God, for the benefit of our spouse, we vow to be devoted to the current version of my spouse in addition to all future versions of my spouse.  Sharing life together is where the eyes of our heart gain clarity into our person and our union as one flesh, spiritually connected, bound by our common faith, knit together by soul ties that will endure when our spouse changes.

Preparing your spouse to meet God! 

When we enter a marriage relationship, and in fact, I would include the period of Engagement as well, we need to recognize that this is not the time to lose focus on God, but rather the opposite, a time cultivate a greater dependence on God.  As a man, I need to recognize that my Heavenly Father is trusting me with His daughter, so I need to be diligent to seek His leading so that I can properly lead her in a loving manor.  To commit to God that since He is trusting me with her heart, I must resolve to protect it with my life (Ephesians 5:25).  In fact, God takes this so seriously that He tells husbands that if we do not honor our wives, He will not hear our prayers (1 Peter 3:7).  That sounds pretty serious.  We see all throughout scripture that God uses marriage as the metaphor to express His love for His people.  In expressing His love for His children, He tells us that He rejoices over us the same way a bridegroom rejoices when seeing his bride.  Having been to many weddings in my life, one thing I can attest to is the bride, no matter how well I know her, no matter the casual settings in which I have seen her, is always radiant with breathtaking beauty!  That is how God sees us, so we must know that marriage is important to Him.

So, within the marriage relationship, it is critical that discipleship not be forgotten, but continue together.  Getting married is a happy time, but we need to be aware that we must not subordinate the pursuit of holiness for the pursuit of happiness.  Happy is good, but pure joy comes from becoming more Christ like and seeing your wife be transformed as well.  Yes, you want your spouse to have a great life, but more importantly we should want them to have a great eternity.  When your wife bows before Christ (Philippians 2:10-11), I want her to be filled with joy, peace and excitement to be in the presence of God with no doubt at all that she is finally Home.  With that, I offer the following tenets to remember and practice in marriage:

1. Remember that he is just a man and she is just a girl and you are both sinners
2. Pray for each other daily, separately and together
3. Read scripture daily separately, then share what you learned, are learning, even if you aren’t learning anything, be transparent
4. Seek opportunities to serve together in community
5. Seek opportunities to serve separately using the gifts and talents that God has equipped you with
6. Hold each other accountable for the Great Commission.  Being married does NOT mean that you are no longer called to make disciples
7. Keeping an eternal focus keep petty arguments in perspective so as to move both husband and wife to be more giving, more charitable
8. Your marriage should be a testimony of God’s transforming power
9. Maintain God as your highest priority knowing that your faithfulness to God will impact your faithfulness to your spouse.  Not just fidelity of the body, but of the mind, emotions and spirit.
10. Affirming first our Christian identity keeps our focus on our union in Christ and reinforces our defenses against our spiritual adversaries
11. The devil targets marriages and will seek opportunities to attack when you or your spouse are vulnerable (Luke 4:13), so be encouraging and charitable
12. Encourage each other to be content in Christ, not in the marriage.  This takes pressure off each other, especially when issues of finances, fertility, or family strain the relationship
13. Talk to God and each other and resist the temptation to vent about your spouse to your friends or family.  This will only cause damage in your spouses relationship with them and will rarely produce sound advice.  Seek counsel from a pastor or together from a godly couple, and always seek advice from people who are praying for you.

Marriage is an incredible gift from God, but it requires great care, resolve and an understanding that your love will change.  Most people first gravitate towards someone because of what the eyes of their head see, then the eyes of their heart get focused, then it is decided to invest further in that person.  As time goes by, it is the eyes of your heart (Ephesians 1:18) that see more clearly the soul of your spouse and your love is transformed through Christ.  This transformation is one of communion between you and God and your wife and is built on a foundation of humility, charity, selflessness, and a steady practice of seeking the good of the other.  It is moving to a place where your happiness rests on the happiness of another.  This is the love of God in the marriage context and it is a tremendous gift if we are diligent to pursue it. 

 

Prayer: Eternal God, heavenly Father, you have graciously accepted us as living members of your Son our Savior Jesus Christ, and you have fed us with spiritual food in the Sacrament of His Body and Blood.  Send us now into the world in peace and grant us strength and courage to love and serve you with gladness and singleness of heart, through Christ our Lord. Amen!