(There exists a phenomena, an encounter with the Lord, in which God will silence you for the purpose of doing work in you to fulfill His plan. To be silenced by God has been mentioned a few times by followers of Christ through the ages. Sometimes referred to as ‘Submission to the Sovereignty of God’, the Lord, by the power of the Holy Spirit, through the deepest of conviction or through the confounding of words, will bring you to a place of silence and solitude for a deeper purpose. That is what this post is about. We see this a few times in the Bible, but it will easily go unnoticed if this has not been apart of your journey).
My confession:
“My days were all written in Your book, ordained for me before any of them occurred.” – Psalm 139:16
“By the ear I have heard of You my Lord, but now I see You with my eye, therefore I repent in dust and ashes. I retract my words and my anxious thoughts for You have shown me the extent of Your love and the depths of Your reach. I have turned from those who darken counsel, who speak empty words without knowledge, for they have reduced You to the understanding of men. In sovereign grace You shut down my words and there were no longer arguments found in me. Darkness is violent for a period, and as for afflictions, many, but even darkness is not dark to You. You upheld me by Your righteous right hand when I slipped and You counseled me when I was pierced within. You heard my sobbing prayers within and my yearning to understand, a time of darkness in Your presence that I cannot explain, yet You gave me peace though I could not see. My soul is bowed down within me as I recall my untrusting thoughts, but You lift my head in kindness, restoring my soul, and You gave me a heart of flesh, vibrant with Your strength! To truly know what it means to be Your child, to know the loving discipline of the Lord, Abba Father. There was no other way, I see that now. My pride, my instincts, my quest for self preservation, my determination of self reliance and every other part of my flesh would not allow me to go where You are calling me. Apart from you I can do nothing, even lay down my life. To fully embrace the adoption into Your family, a reality too great for me, the brokenness in Grace, from dismayed to silence to quiet, You drowned my fears in perfect Love. I will never understand the blessings, but I am forever humbled, may I never forget Your blessings and may I always remember Your Hand in the darkness. O’ Lord I see that the nearness of God is my peace and my good is to tell of Thy great faithfulness!
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When the storms of life happen, it is our natural instinct to react, often with anxiety or fear. We accept the theology of sovereignty on Sunday, but tend to go our own way on Monday. For me, I can only characterize this part of my journey as a period of death. I believe what I experienced has a lot to do with my instinct to argue and defend myself for the purpose of winning. My life looks a lot different now than it did seven years ago and I never would have imagined that I would be sitting alone in a small apartment writing my story. The death of many things has come and gone, things that defined who I am not. There are still things I don’t understand, but it’s alright now, the God of peace has brought me through. The truth is that there were things in me that needed to die. If the Lord had not gotten my attention, allowed me to execute my plan and begin rebuilding my kingdom, that would have been a terribly unloving thing to do. I see that now. Trying to rebuild what He had broken. Trying to heal parts of self that needed to die. This period of death was a Pruning Season so that the branch could become more fruitful. The unpruned tree may be leafy and provide shade that world loves, but it has no value if it is not fruitful. I have often characterized this as a Time of Preparation and I see clearly the Lord preparing others as well. With that, I am excited to see what He is going to do. Below, I am sharing a song, ‘Lord I am Ready Now’ by Plumb. This song often makes me weep and has for many, many months, probably because the devotion could be right out of my journal. I hope you find it a blessing as I share it with you!
[…] During my time in the wilderness, Deuteronomy 8 was a chapter that spoke to me in many ways on multiple occasions. I come from a tradition that maintains a strict hermeneutic and frowns on spiritualizing scripture, however, when God does deep work in you and the Holy Spirit illuminates scripture in a whole new way that resonates deeply with the work God is doing in me, I will not ignore it. Sometimes God will bring us to these places of solitude for many reasons, sin to purge, pruning, discipline, healing, or preparation for the next season of life as some examples. I see that all of these were addressed during this season, or what I affectionately called at the time, my Season of Discontent. […]
Visceral Reflections 
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