It was the end of a long battle.  The will to fight was gasping for air, but those who care for me had been in my corner, trying to be supportive, tipping the scales of right and wrong, really trying to make sense of things for me.  Within all of it, my soul just wanted quiet.  There was deep yearning in me to just rest, to be at peace.  I had a thirst to drink from the river whose streams make glad the city of God so that I could rest in the promise that God would be my help when morning dawns (Psalm 46:4-5).  This desire for quiet rest would be my point of departure.

As I returned to the promise of Jesus in Matthew 11:28, it was very clear that the rest I needed was in coming to Jesus.  The circumstantial peace of the world would  forever be recognized for what it is, the placating effects of a false god.  I knew that intellectually, but it is so hard to remember when thing are going well.  As I considered what Jesus meant when He said to come to Him, my conclusion was that I needed more time in word and prayer.  But this was much more than just a time commitment, it was actually a commitment of my heart, a resolve to surrender.  After several weeks of rest, I wrote a post on why Putting God on your Calendar was not the best approach, but sometimes a necessary step.  At the time, I was not sure where God was taking me, I just knew this part of my journey would require extended time with God which would mean that I needed to take back control of my time.

This desire for quiet coupled with my need for more time meant some practical changes.  So I first disconnected my TV service.  I also did not have Internet at home, which had many benefits.  At this point I had already closed my Facebook account and I removed some apps from my phone so that I would not waste so much time there.  I reorganized my kitchen and created a food plan so that I could make cooking quick and easy when necessary.  I traded talk radio for silence and worship music in my car, but mostly silence.  These few changes restored back to me many hours that I could recommit to praying, reading the Bible, writing in my journal and finding places of solitude in nature for times of reflection, listening and writing.  More importantly, this removal of brain clutter was significant in my communion with God.  The truth of Philippians 4:7 began to manifest by the Holy Spirit in a way that would not make sense to observers.  Being quiet to listen would allow me to gain clarity on some things and place all of the situations of Philippians 4:6 into eternal perspective.  Christians often seek peace through human intellect and analysis, but the truth is that the peace of Christ, a great promise to all believers, is of divine origin. Jesus’ promise to you and me in John 14:27 became crystal clear.  The peace of Christ in me rests on the finished work of Jesus and on the eternal truth of who I am to God (Romans 8:14-16); that reality provides peace which transcends circumstances in our lives (Romans 8:18), providing the grace we need for every moment.

Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you.  Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.

John 14:27

Concurrently with my conviction to seek Matthew 11:28 in my life, I recognized a need to be more discipline in the practice to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2Cor.10:5).  This can be a challenge with our sinful flesh, but I found it easier with these practical changes.  So now I found myself with more time to spend with God, more time for quiet, and less brain clutter which allowed me to focus on God, meditate on His word and distinguish convictions of His Spirit from the impulses or instincts of my flesh.  My journey inward had brought me to this point of clarity where God would shine a light on barriers to my faith, which was necessary if I were ever going to walk with Him in deeper waters.

I have referred to this as my point of departure for two reasons.  First, because I had come to a point where I realized that I had spent a lot of time listening to sheep and what I really needed was significantly more time with the Shepherd (John 10:3-4).  Sheep have a desire to help, sheep have good intentions, sheep often know scripture, sheep can be logical, but after months of chatter, I found myself in the same place.  As I had prayed for the peace of Christ to rule in my heart, there was a growing conviction that my Shepherd was calling me to rest, to unclench and to be okay with things not being okay.  I would later realize the significance of removing this first brick in the wall.

Second, I noticed  that some people will be very uncomfortable when God calls you to do unconventional things, even godly people.  I would never compare my life to Job, but his words often seemed appropriate, “I too could speak like you, if I were in your place.  I could compose words against you and shake my head at you (Job 16:4).  Though I had looked for validation and vindication from others, it became evident through word, quiet prayer and listening that this part of my journey would be on my own, and the Lord gave me peace to be still with Him alone in what I would now describe as discipleship.  This time of solitude would make clear the Providence of God and His hand in the rough waters that brought me here (Psalm 42:7).  Our culture has an aversion to silence and uses solitude as a punishment, even our churches keep the calendar filled with constant programs, meetings and entertainment.  There is no rule for how long or how often you have these periods of time, some will be longer than others, but I do think that it is important to note that in creation, God gave us a model to rest after periods of work, life events, ministry, etc.  Jesus also retreated to the wilderness for extended periods of prayer and fasting.  We need rest regularly and sometimes we need more rest when the spiritual warfare escalates.  Doing what I described can be a challenge and some may ask you what’s wrong, but that’s okay, few will understand.  Just be encouraged to seek this time with The Lord and you will find rest for your soul.