This is a rewrite of a post from last year.  I have been tinkering with the revision for a couple of months now, so with so many folks scrambling to find dates for this weekend, it seemed like a good time to post it along with the two on courting to follow this week.

I have found that many folks do not know the difference between courting and dating, so I felt I wanted to put some parameters around it.   This article describes the proper attitude and approach to courting.  Honestly, I have not thought about this topic in years until last year when I began engaging an amazingly wonderful girl who inspired me to write this out.  As I began to consider what going down this path would mean, I had to look at all of the possibilities that could arise from this relationship.  This can be a delicate balance as you are enjoying time with the other person while trying not to over think about “what does this all mean.”  One of the nice things was that we both agreed that moving forward should be as a courting relationship.  With that, we committed to praying for the relationship and seeking God’s will in our decision as well as praying for the other person.  I found this to be a great privilege and through this process God taught me a lot about praying in an unselfish way which was convicting and liberating at the same time. (I am going to share more about this type of prayer soon).

I  would define the courting relationship as the pre-marital relationship equivalent of a covenant marriage.  A covenant marriage is a God-centered commitment to honor God in all aspects of your marriage through sacrificially loving your spouse.  It is a principled approach to marriage to give love unconditionally with no expectation of return.  Ideally your spouse is also principled in giving love unconditionally, but regardless you do what you need to do as an outward act of worship to God; to love your wife as Christ loved the church and laid His life down for her.  The commitment is based on who she is, not what she does or does not do.  In  contrast to a contract marriage which can be dissolved legally, a covenant marriage truly believes and practices until death do us part.  If children are in the picture, the covenant marriage makes a commitment to raise up godly children who will be guided as much as possible to walk in faith with God.  Much more can be said on the covenant marriage, but I will save that for another time as this is about courting.

The courting relationship seeks to find a mate who also desires a covenant marriage.  It is an exclusive relationship that seeks God’s blessing for a future marriage.  Unlike dating which is much more casual and often pursued to fulfill immediate needs, a courting relationship has a more permanent goal in mind.  To the outside observer, it may look very similar, but it is a completely different mindset.  The goal of courting is to find a spouse, not just have a girlfriend or boyfriend.  For the Christian, courting is much more in line with the biblical teaching to be equally yoked.  This requirement helps you get a little further down the road much more quickly for the simple reason that you share a common foundation in your faith with the other person.  To me, this is the most important thing because if your faith is genuine, it should define you as a person and that will be reflected in every aspect of your life.  This includes an active prayer life, spending time with God, reading her bible daily or at least often, actively pursuing God’s will, a heart for the lost, a home church, friends who are also believers and sharing what God is teaching you with the person your courting.

When you begin to spend time with someone, these things quickly come to light.  One example that stands out in my mind occurred last year.  We were meeting for lunch for our first date and we had never shared a meal together.  When the food arrived, I bowed my head to say grace, she quietly bowed her head with her hands folded in her lap and we prayed.  I began the process, she expected me to take the lead and it was understood because that is who we are.  We didn’t discuss it, I think it was understood because of previous conversations.  I always took note of that moment because to me it validated who I thought her to be and also told me that she knows who I am.  It might seem like a small thing, but it is a huge thing because it reflects whether your faith in God plays a primary role or a secondary role in your life.  I limit it to these two options because if you are a Christian, you should not even be in pursuit of romance with someone who does not share that common foundation of saving faith in Jesus.  The bible has a lot to say about relationships, from friendship to marriage to divorce to remarriage, but before all of that we know that pursuing a relationship with a non-believer is a non-starter.

To circle back to my earlier statement, the courting relationship is the beginning of giving love unconditionally.  Granted that you will probably pursue a relationship based on the physical, that will not last unless you have a common foundation of faith and you can begin to cultivate Christ centered love.  When you have that person in your life and love without borders becomes a reality, you will be able to give that person the agape and eros love that you both need!  I don’t want to go to far down this path here as there is much to say about different types of love and desire, so I may save that for another time though I am certainly no expert.  With that, I am going to stop here and pick it up in the next two posts which are “Guidelines for Courting for Men” and “Guidelines for Courting for Women” which I would consider dangerous waters if not for biblical support.